This post is going to get a lot more personal and please don't feel you have to read it especially if you don't want to go "there". I went through alot late yesterday and last night and had no idea if it was due to my medicine or did I get the flu? Still not 100% sure but since I started to function late this afternoon, I'm going to aim for the flu...
As I was going through all of this last night I started thinking of my blog and that there are so many things I need to say, and need to write about, get out of my system etc... and this blog is what it's about. When Erika and Andrea came up with the store as a way to help me I was overwhelmed and then when I asked if this blog could be added I knew it was a way for me to get the story out of how this all started but also knew that it was a way for me to get my feelings out there and hopefully in the end a way to help someone else whether it be as a person who has "SURVIVED" cancer so that I can help that other person deal with this ordeal or at least as a way for those going through it to read my story, my thoughts and maybe enable them to do the same. (does that make sense at all)? Oh well either way all I can hope is that this is the first piece of me trying to start something.
So what I am trying to say is that some of these blogs might be harder to read then others and I hope you all don't mind but this is me at my best:)
How many of you have heard the song "Live Like you were dying" by Tim McGraw? The whole song has a lot of meaning to my family as it came out right after Mark died and in truth if you knew Mark you would know that this is exactly how he lived his life. I learned a lot from Mark in the years he was a part of our lives, I learned to maybe have a little more fun instead of having to stay home on a Saturday or Sunday because I needed to clean my house or because of laundry, you know those chores that just never end. All I can say now to those of you who put all of the "chores" before your "Life" please stop cause in the end it's not how clean your house was that matter's it how you loved those around you. While I learned that from Mark, I didn't learn it enough, I still put a lot of good things to the side cause in reality that's what you have to do but since June when diagnosed with cancer I started to think a little bit differently. Well since Dec with the news of the progression I certainly now need to really live by this verse...
Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it
What can I do with it
What would I do with it
How many people actually get a chance to live their lives like this? Well you know what!! I do and I need to do something about it. First I need to get energy back (lol) so I can really start to do some of the things that my heart tells me to do. For years I have been saying I want to volunteer for something, I need to give back to those in need. Well I finally found the perfect one, it's being run by Abington Memorial Hospital and its "No One Dies Alone" its a program that offers support for any patient near the end of their lives. I plan on calling tomorrow to see if I can volunteer for this even if I can only do an hour a week it's still a start, right?
He said I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me
And one moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays
Talking bout' the options and talking bout' sweet times.
I asked him when it sank in, that if this might really be the real end
How's it hit 'cha when you get that kind of news?
Man what did ya do?
He said
Chorus
I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'
Well I had literally just turned 42 when I got the news, it sure as hell did stop me on a dime, looked at the xrays and spent days on the internet doing research. So far I haven't done the skydiving (yeah think I will skip that one, it's a height thing) rocky mountain climbing (ok seeing the rocky mountains are on my list but climbing them.... uh no I am still trying to live (haha) and no way no how will you catch me on a bull. I have certainly started to love deeper and speak sweeter, and I have given forgiveness I'd been denyin, but most of all to have the chance to live like you were dyin'
Now it's time to work on the buket list, feel free to add any ideas (costs and times travel will play a huge facture in what were able to do. I have allways wanted to go to Montana (late summer/early fall), I went to go the Grand Canyon, Would REALL REALLY love to take at least one more trip back to Hungary to see my family. And then if we can't do Keirstyn's weeding in September then maybe December as a destination weeding. We will keep you posted. Any other ideas of things to do and see that are driveable distance from our house, pleae post them below.
Love & Peace
Sue